if you are anything like me, then you’ll know the excitement and anticipation that came with your eighteenth birthday. you know all that i-am-going-to-be-an-adult-and-i-can-do-whatever-i-please kind of thought. and if your life is anything like mine, you must have come to a rude awakening when you realized growing up and being adult is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. the only part about being an adult i love is that everyday, i am getting closer to moving out of my parents house. the rest just sucks. suddenly, i am supposed to manage my finances and have a concrete plan for my life. why cant i just cry and have people struggle to understand what is bothering me, and make sure i get it? who said i have to grow up?? but all the whining aside, i think i am at a fabulous stage of my life. and i am going ahead to tell you why i intend to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist.
first, it is that phase where i can comfortably tell anyone my age. i am told women have complications with such issues. i am only nineteen, i am not at home eighty percent of the time. what i do with my time, is therefore mostly up to me. its like i have the freedom to be an adult, without being all grown up. i should make mature decisions but it is also okay to make mistakes. actually, i am expected to make gruesomely stupid mistakes. i can eat junk food, and sleep the whole day away. i can make bad decisions and date jerks and pretend to regret it a few weeks down the line. i can promise myself to be better, yet do nothing to better myself. i can. why is that? i have my whole life ahead of me to get my act together.
second, every tear and heartbreak no matter how stupid, deserves to be mopped around over. it is that age where i can like guys who would never notice me.i have a right to feel bad about it, and not want to eat anything or see anyone for days. or get dumped a million times and each time is going to feel as heart-wrenching as if it was the first time. and then i can call my girlfriends and hate on this cheating, immature brute who just wont appreciate the beauty that i am. it is okay to listen to soppy love songs, and finish a box of tissues wiping my tears. it is okay to feel like my life is over and that i am never going to love anyone as much as i loved him. i can write a million Taylor swift- like poems and replay the times we shared in my head for as long as i want to. and it is okay to delete his pictures, chat history and contact information then move on to my next heart break.
third, it is okay to fall in love. or at least what i think is love. it is okay to wait by the phone for him to call or text me, then take a few minutes to reply just so it doesn’t seem like i was waiting. it is okay to miss him even when he is seated right next to me. it is okay to love hugging him and never want to let go. it is okay to catch myself smiling sheepishly and realize i was thinking of him. it is okay to send each other fun little texts and pledge our eternal love. it is okay to be us against the world. it is okay to go on cheap dates and nervous walks. it is okay to not know where this relationship is headed. why? because someday, i am going to be married and it will be wrong to think Tony’s dad next door is cute.
fourth, it is okay not to be a perfect student. i can miss class, not do my assignment and flunk cats. it is okay to get supplementaries and not tell my parents about it. it is okay not to know what my career trajectory is. it is okay to be unsure if i want to stop at my first degree or go ahead to become a doctor of philosophy. it is okay to feel like you are taking the wrong course in school. it is okay to bring poor grades home and watch your parents slowly lower the expectations they have for you. it is okay to want to study but that movie just won’t let you. it is okay to procrastinate and waste time. it is okay to think that you are a Steve Jobs of sorts. you know, the kind of people who just don’t need school to succeed. why? someday,i am going to have a masters degree, bored out of my skin, thinking, “what next?”
most importantly, this is, as its been tritely referred to, the formative stage of my life. it is when i can choose who to become, what to believe in. i can choose to work hard in school, eat healthy, aim for the stars. i can choose to be in a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. i can choose to have fun and develop myself. i can develop my talent, learn a new skill or start saving up for that business idea. i can choose to be as adult as mature as it gets, and yet have the freedom to be a baby with some things. i can knock on doors and ask for help. i can meet people and establish useful connections. it is that stage of my life when i could always take a few steps back just to see how far I’ve come.
i am blissfully ignorant. and that’s the best part