We all have annoying traits. Mine would be that I am finically proper. Actually, it doesn’t bother me. But it frustrates most people I know. But I guess what frustrates them the most is how I will go on and on about something I don’t like. Not that I give a hoot. And a lot of these people should not. If only they tried and saw a few things from my perspective.
1. Littering; every time I see people irresponsibly discarding stuff I have this urge to ask them, “who is your mother?” or “which school did you go to?” I mean, what is so hard about carrying that bag of crisps for kilometers, if need be, until you find a dustbin? Okay, I realize that sounds a little hectic, but I do it all the time and I am still alive!! You know I used to pick up my friend’s garbage every time they threw it anyhow until I realized that wasn’t helping issues. So one day, I noticed this guy drop a yoghurt can, I picked it up and walked up to him, handed it over and said, “I believe this is yours. How about you grow up a little and find a dustbin to put that in?” he did not take that nicely, but heck, that was my intention. So you’ve been warned, the next time I notice this sort of immaturity, I am going to ask you who your mother is. Knowing Kenyans, most of you won’t take that nicely. But relax, it means, “who raised you?” and you know come to think of it, if she didn’t teach you to put garbage in the right place, what else didn’t she do?? But the better question would be, if you didn’t learn to put garbage in the right place, what else didn’t you learn??

2. Courtesy; just yesterday, I was telling a friend that I hate it when people bump into me and don’t say sorry, or yell something like, “ look where you are going!!” how about you go where you are looking for a change? But it’s not just that. Why can’t we all say thank you, or please excuse me?? Now that I have mentioned it, if there is one thing Kenyans should learn is that “excuse” is not synonymous with “please excuse me” especially when the former is said in a spectacularly brief yet rude fashion. Simple courtesy will go a long way people.

3. Phone etiquette; so I misdialed some numbers and ended up calling you. Why on earth are you screaming at me? I have apologized for my mistake. What else do you want from me? And the other side of this same coin, you misdialed some numbers and called me. I have explained repeatedly that I am not Karanja from Karatina yet you still insist and even go as far as calling me rude, or something about forgetting my roots. Sure, my voice isn’t the softest of sopranos, but this I am sure about, I do not sound like a Karanja from Karatina. Would you please do both of us a favour and believe me when I say that?

4. Jumping queues; so I understand the rest of us look like idle clowns waiting in line for a chance to see the manager and entertain him. Maybe he could tip us, or better yet get us connections with the human resource guy of the circus that just opened in town. And yeah, you are the only one with pressing issues, but we got here first. So would you have the decency to go to the back of the line and wait for your turn? If anything, you look more dignified. Who knows, you might even inspire the rest of us clowns to hope to be like you someday.

5. Keeping time; I have mentioned before that I am not the best when it comes to social cues but this I know, 1.00pm means 1.00pm. Or at least it does to me. So please don’t waste my time. And if you are going to be late, would you please text or call to inform me? Or did you lose your phone together with your sense of time? And now that I said you should text or call. I did not say, you can lie to me. Telling me you are stuck in traffic when the good Lord knows you haven’t even left the house. It’s childish and annoying.

6. Texting: first, I hate it when people shorten their words while texting me. Why can’t we just write every word in full? Isn’t it more adult and mature? But that’s okay. I can stomach that. What I cannot handle is how people replace s with x. “xaxa, xema” what the hell? So I am a little dumb. And I may not remember a lot of the things I learnt in kindergarten. But I am sure I would remember if the teacher said we could replace s with X. Another thing would be the inappropriate use of smileys. I think it’s funny how people think a smiley at the end of every sentence makes everything so much better. For example, “you have a big head.” seriously, what the hell??

But then again, my friends say I have issues. Lots of them.