So I just found my ten year old sister making a card for her best friend. It had this BFF acronym splashed all over it. I think it’s cute; cute as hell. You get? Because hell is not cute.
*high-fives my left hand with my right hand*
*has a sheepish green on my face*
*cries myself to sleep for being so lame*
So, BFF, huh? First, this is one of the cheesiest things I have heard in my life. Do not get me wrong, I believe in the concept of having a favourite friend. I think everyone needs a best friend. I just do not believe in forever. Especially not when it involves another human being with free will, ambition, direction, life.
Maybe I am just cynical but I do not believe anyone can get forever with anyone. Come on, what is this, the notebook? And that scares me. Because my sister is ten. I remember being ten. Ten is the year I became who I am now. We had just moved into a different town. I had no friends. I only had my sister, whom we spent more time fighting than being each other’s support systems. But my sister is good with people, so, she didn’t really need me. Ten is the year my childhood ended. Ten is the year I became a loner. Ten is the year I began to prefer books and music over people. Ten is the year I taught myself to look hostile. Ten is the year that I learnt to ignore people, tune people out. Ten is the year I taught myself to be self-sufficient. Ten is the year I lost the person I occasionally try to be. Ten is the year that broke me. Ten is the year I broke myself. For my sister, ten is just another blissful year in her childhood. Another year to laugh and make memories. I will admit, I am kind of jealous.
And maybe that is why it is so hard to watch her have such faith in people. Because I lost my faith in people when I was her age. Because I learnt of impermanence and the human capability to break their promises when I was her age. Because I stopped believing in forever when I was her age. Because I know that a few years down the line (god forbid), she won’t be bffs with whoever this card is for. And that is the hardest thing one can ever live through. Severed relationships. Because people don’t always keep their word. They stab you in the back, they move away, they die. But the worst kind is those friendships that just fizzle and die. No major fight. No nothing. You just talk less and less until one day you see them across the street and they are just total strangers. And you rack your brains for something to tell them, and a tense wave is all you can manage. It is things like these that put a fist through your heart. And in some ways, I feel like she is setting herself up for heartache and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. And that is the second hardest thing I am going to have to live through.