Someone once asked me what I loved most about being female. I wanted to say I don’t. Because being female is so exhausting. But it wouldn’t be true if I said I didn’t. Because I have days when I am dangerously in love with myself, and more so, with the fact that I’m a woman. I call them my feminine days. The kind of days you just want to dress up, put on a dress, wear lipstick and just stare at your face. There are days I am just so thankful for being feminine. days I am aware of my power as a woman, my ability to give life, endure pain and love with every fibre of my skin. days I feel so in touch with the universe. Days I’m just happy to be a woman. and I wouldn’t trade feeling feminine for anything else. Then there are days that i’m not. I had one of this female-hating days and I was complaining to my friend about it and so he asked me, “what do you need?” I wanted to say “a hug” but those of you who know me know that I try really hard to hide the fact that i am sentimental. but I have been mauling over this question for weeks now, and I finally made a list. So this is my version of what i think every woman needs.
First, you need your dad. you need the first guy you love to love you enough so that you don’t ever feel the need to re-tweet every complement you get. You need your father there the first time you look into the mirror and notice your eyebrows are a little thin or that your ears are a little pointed. You need your dad there when your first boyfriend dumps you because your hips are not as wide, or that your breasts are a little small. You need your dad there when you fail your first test and when you get rejected at your job interview. You need to hear that you are beautiful and smart and you can do anything you want to, as long as you are growing up. You need to hear this so many times you believe it so that even when you are away or too big to sit on daddy’s lap, the echoes of his love will always guide you.
You need to love yourself. You need to love yourself enough to build a career and ensure your independence. You need to know how to walk out of a bad relationship. You need to learn to say no and don’t feel bad about it. You need to be comfortable in your weirdness and embrace your uniqueness. You need to stay true to yourself and not succumb to pressure to be cool or popular. You need to love your own company and live with yourself. You need to have a relationship with yourself. You need to forgive yourself and let things go. You deserve to take a break and go figure things out. You need to find yourself. You need to be alone. you need to be happily single.
You need a best friend in whatever version they come in.It could be your mother, your sister, your childhood friend, the guy you just met. Or it could fragments of people. Either way, you need someone who makes you laugh. You need someone you can call in the middle of the night without ever worrying if they’ll pick up. You need a shoulder to cry on when you are sad and a fist to bump when you are excited. You need someone you can be the weirdest version of yourself with without them judging you for it. You need someone who brings out the child in you. You need someone you could spend the rest of your days with. All I am saying, is you need healthy relationships, of whatever kind. because(and I don’t think I will ever be able to emphasize this enough) you deserve laughter, and to be kissed tenderly, and frequently. Oh, and orgasms.
You need ambition and dreams and goals. You deserve to be independent. You deserve your own house and your own car. You need to be able to take care of the people you care about. You deserve to be free and liberated and not have to depend on someone else. You need to be able to occasionally say, “fuck it. I don’t need you guys. not really.” You need to be able to give back. You need to touch lives. You deserve to leave a legacy. C’mon people, you deserve a comfortable life. You need to be able to afford that life.
Basically, you need to work on yourself. because being the best version of yourself is the only way to be truly happy. Plus, you owe it to others to be a good person. Because other people also deserve the things you deserve. And since work on ourselves is never quite done, you deserve to enjoy the process. To take pleasures in the little things; in tiny black dresses and red lipstick. Because every woman deserves red lipstick. There is something about red lipstick that makes you fall in love with yourself all over again. You deserve to be happy. You need to stop at nothing to make that happen.