I have been scratching, tossing and turning, trying to come up with the perfect first blog entry. You would imagine that I have remembered some experiences; both good and bad so I thought I’d share with you a little of those. The ones that made me see things from a different perspective. The ones that inevitably shaped me into the person I am. Plus, it’s important to know who you are getting in bed with, no pun intended. But first things first, here is a little about Clarie Gor (cool name, huh?)
I am an introvert; so it goes without saying that I am not socially gifted. A lot of times, I meet someone new and I have no idea how to get past a hi. Just recently, a friend asked me how social I was and I gave myself a three on a scale of one to ten. In retrospect though, I may have been a little too hard on myself. Or maybe I wasn’t. But I love being an introvert, it deflects toxic attention away from me. Most people find me intimidating just because I don’t talk to them. And it doesn’t help that I have a face that most people find condescending. People say I always look upset and bored. But what almost everyone thinks is that I am a cold, arrogant snub. So I’ll say the downside to my personality is that I am often misjudged. Heaven knows I am nice. Well, not that nice actually.
But being me, I spend a lot of time by myself, so I listen to a lot of music; selective hip-hop. I love Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, Lil Wayne and Drake. Though sometimes I find myself wishing they would use their talent to do anything other than call women bitches. But you know bitter women would say men are dogs. So I guess it’s only logical that they bark about bitches. But that’s okay, it’s hard to ignore talent. Moreover, lil Wayne has a weirdly cool voice, or am I the only one who thinks so?? Plus, Drake is kinda cute. And who am I to judge, considering all I am banking on is people tolerating my talent, I dare say. Which brings me to the tittle of this blog; why Clarie’s Ramblings? Let’s just say I can talk about a lot of things; you know with words, one thing always leads to another. Not that this will be a script of my unfiltered thoughts and musings. I hope to keep it as adult and mature as it gets. And, I speak really fast. Good thing I will be writing this down, so you can read as slowly as you please.
But on to my experiences. I remember one evening rushing home, trying to beat the rain, my phone starts ringing. It was a friend. So he tells me he is on the other side on the road at a filling station with some other friends. And they would love it if I went over and at least said hi. I did cross the road. Only, they didn’t stop. They just passed. So I stood there like a fool for some minutes before I finally accepted that I looked stupid. And it’s started raining. So as I am walking really fast going home, I notice their car approaching. I was so upset I just stuck my tongue out at them and passed. To make things worse, I was rained on. That night, I swore that one day I will be more than the average girl next door; the one no one notices, or worse still ignores. That one day, people will give me a second look. But most importantly, I was going to better myself. So that someday, if someone ever wronged me, I would be in a position to do more than just make a weird face or stick my tongue out at them.
So is this my attempt at standing out or blending in? Maybe it is. But this is what this is really about. This is for everyone who has felt invisible at some point in their life. Like the earth rotated on any other axis but their own. This is for anyone who would give anything for people to see them in just a slightly different light. This is to realizing that they don’t need to; that we are the beholders of our beauty. This is to loving our weirdness and embracing our queer selves. This is for everyone; we all have our struggles, right?
Finally, it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t appreciate two awesome people. One Kevin Joel and Judy Maina. I cannot even begin to adequately express how enthusiastic they were about this blog idea. It meant and still means a lot.
Pleasant reading everyone.