On sex and vulnerability

So I just read somewhere that the average person has an average of eight sex partners in their lifetime and my first reaction was ” that’s just hoeing about.” then I thought about it and I realized that is not so bad. Plus, what really makes someone a whore? Like, I’m really asking. This question keeps me up at night, no kidding. I feel like someone’s body count doesn’t accurately represent their whole story. Plus, i’m one of those people who think people are fully souls, our bodies are just casings. So what if someone has a gentle spirit, a beautiful soul but life just pushes them into doing some sexually aggressive things, don’t you think it is a little harsh to call them whores? And speaking of beauty and souls, how cool would it be if our ideals on beauty were defined by souls and not faces, breasts, asses? I feel like that would eliminate almost all causes of self-esteem issues. Why hate your body if it your soul I am interested in? (Haha, that sounds like a threat) We wouldn’t have to worry about being overly sensitive, I mean if you called someone ugly, it is because they have a rotten soul. That doesn’t make you a jerk.

Anyway, my reason for this post was my thought process after I read this average-person-sex-partner-thing. I think the reason I was taken aback initially was because think having sex with someone requires a certain level of vulnerability. And if you know me, you know I absolutely freak out when I hear that word. Mary mother of God, I hate being vulnerable. I think on average it takes me two years to even show a hint of vulnerability to anyone. It is a good thing most people do not stick around that long. Why? Two reasons. First off, I strongly believe that most people, if not all will definitely take advantage of that. Second, I am dangerously intense, once I feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with you, there is no going back. I’ll probably do and tell you everything short of handing you my soul on a plate. And trust me, if that was possible, I would do it. And on that note, I just want to show my appreciation to my roommate(partly because she has been subtly threatening to get all emotional on me if i didn’t at least mention her in my blog posts. Guys, I don’t feel very safe.) who bares with all my conversational segues. I almost always make everything deep, or passionate. Even things as simple as what we are cooking for supper.

I digress. What I am trying to say is that I am definitely not comfortable with being vulnerable to eight people. I feel like that is just leaving pieces of yourself everywhere. At the end of the day all you are left with is emptiness, and a void in your chest that even alcohol won’t fill. So what do you do when you get to that point? Do you have more sex? Drink more alcohol? Have drunken sex? Speaking of drunken sex, how does that work? Like when you are drunk, don’t you just want to text your ex, cry, then sleep? But maybe that’s just me,  I am only sexually attracted to someone, after I get to a certain emotional level with them. Unless that person is Miguel or Adam Levine. C’mon!! They are just so in your face. I have a Miguel problem. Like, when I am having a bad day, I just watch Miguel music videos. Always make me feel so much better. But i am talking about regular, real life people. A lot of times I’ll be with someone and we see a cute guy and they will get all graphic, but all that comes to mind is, “he’s cute.” Nothing more.

so yeah, I am not one-night stand kind of person. You know how they say, the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else? I firmly believe that is not literal. Because my idea of getting under someone else is having a deep, riveting conversation, pillow fights, dumb jokes, lame puns, watching re-runs of comedy series, sitting in silence, staring at the stars. I’m not the type to date a guy just because, I’m not kissing you just because, I’m not saying I like you just because. And I realize, that is a somewhat sad state for a college student. But that’s just who I am, I don’t do casual. I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it makes me a tiny bit sad. And I guess that’s okay.

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