Meh…

Trigger Warning: this post contains content and links to content on sexual violence from sexual harassment to rape, subtle and overt. 

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A while ago, being unable to write the sequel to I’m​ not quite sure, you will ask guys to comment/ send you emails of the first time they wanted to know if he fucks the way he talks. Your friend (God bless her) concerned, texted you:

But what if people email you dick pics?

I was very clear about what I wanted. If someone sends a dick pic, they were going to do it anyway. It was only a matter of time.  

I like that you are so accepting of your situation.

Fast forward to last Friday.

Some guy just randomly sent me a dick pic.

Out of your sack and follicle’s nest
You rise
Up from a shaft that’s rooted in groin
You rise
You are average length, thin and unspent,
Welling and swelling, and terribly bent.
Leaving behind images of hope turned fear
You rise
Thrusting me into an evening of beer
You rise
Sending me pictures and hoping I’ll save,
You are a crooked mast in need of a shave.
You rise
You rise
You rise.

-what would be Maya Angelou’s response to a dick pic-

I’m not even upset because of the dick pic. I’ve just had a really tough week and I don’t need this.

You will be lying.

You will not be accepting of your situation. That picture will trigger the fuck outta you.

It will throw you right back to a different life, a different you, long dead but not buried. A self that only manifests in nightmares and ghost-like caricatures of a four-year old girl watching her sixteen year old neighbour, dick in hand, the ghostly little girl wondering what the hell that was and what purpose it served.

Spoiler alert: Dicks sometimes go inside little girls whose mothers left them in the company of a neighbour to go look for food.

Sitting in the toilet, as your tears increasingly blur your vision, you will think you really are upset about other things and will be merely using that violation to emote.

Really, it could be your parents’ seeming lack of faith in you. Your father’s: blatant, your mother’s: passive aggressive. It could be having this vision that’s taking everything from you and not knowing how to make your support system understand it. It’s how everyone’s concern will increasingly taste like blame and “you’re a slacking disappointment.” It could be how you wince when you catch your reflection because you will begin to see a disappointment as well.

It could be the increasing paranoia and anxiety. How every time your phone will ring, you will be scared the caller is going to remind you of this seeming bad decision. It’s how when grandmother (one of your favourite people on planet earth) will call, the conversation will be terse because you will think she is calling to perpetuate your mother’s brand of passive aggression. She will hang up on you because as hard as you will try, you will not be able to bring your guard down long enough to let words out of your mouth. How afterwards, you will dial her number but will not be able to hit call because your hands will be shaking and your mouth will be quivering and you will be acutely aware that what you will want to ask of her will be foolish and irrational: a maternal figure that is unconditionally on your side; and on occasion, a love that is a little less tough.

You will notice that this random guy has sent a few tongue emojis with his merchandise when you go to block him.

What does that even mean?

Did he think his shit is tasty?

And then it will hit you, he will be implying you suck his dick.

That realization will conjure up an image that will be disorienting as it is going to take a number of therapy sessions to undo. Anyway, right in the middle of Christina Perri’s Jar of Hearts, you will manage to get yourself off the toilet floor and straight to the kitchen to make yourself as strong as ginger tea as you could take because you will desperately need something to burn and hopefully dissolve the choking feeling in your throat.

You’re still apprehensive when a man sends you a text that has an attachment.

What happens when your dick pic is ignored?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

-what Langston Hughes would say about a dick pick-

You can find more of these parodies here.

Also, you can find the journal we published on sexual violence here.

Watch MILCK’s Quiet. It’s sort of an anthem on sexual violence and was performed during the women’s’ march.


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