Have you ever…

You wouldn’t believe this(i do not believe it myself either) but people think i am funny.granted, i have a sense of humour, but funny? lets not get crazy. and i get anxious when someone calls me funny because i feel like every word i say after that has to be rib-cracking,and i just cannot handle that amount of pressure. that’s the same thing with my writing. i have been writing since i was fifteen(no, i was born holding a pen and paper) and not to sound cocky or anything( okay, so that is my intention) but i am yet to wrap my head around how awesome i am. like i am so good, it freaks me out. haha. and my point is, every time i sit down to write a piece, i feel like i have to write long paragraphs of extremely sensible sentences with moral lessons embedded in them, punctuate it with a little laughs and still appeal to your emotions.like, it is a compulsive disorder.see all the pressure i am under? so today i thought I’d make my paragraphs as short as i can and see how horrible i feel afterwards. and i am just going to say, i feel like i am about to self destruct. so,

have you ever forced yourself to write a blog piece with extremely short paragraphs and so for hours you just there staring at your computer wondering how that is even done. and at the same time feeling like you are perpetrating a joke because the first paragraph wasn’t exactly what people would call short?

have you ever woken up in the morning and you realize your eyes are swollen because you have been crying in your sleep and you do not even know why?

have you ever woken up in the morning feeling so down and unprepared for anything, so much so, the sun rays feel so intrusive and disrespectful and then you are just mad at the world, the mountains, the buildings, those people walking down the street?

have you ever woken up one morning and you just hate everything and everyone?

have you ever woken up in the morning feeling all confident and ready to face the day and then like an hour later, unable to decide what you are wearing, you are just like,”screw life. i just can’t. my life sucks and i cannot handle all this suffering.”

have you ever been hurt by someone so badly you even forget how to react so you just stood there waiting for your brain to unparalyze(that is not an English word) itself so you can start plotting on ways to kill them?

have you ever missed someone so badly and there is nothing you could do about it because you already told them like four times that very day and honestly speaking, its getting creepy and your ego is beginning to feel insulted. so you are like,”get it together emotions!!”

have you ever wanted to talk to someone but you cannot because you feel like you are bothering them and so you just lay there and replayed all your conversations in your head until you fell asleep. needless to say, you had nightmares.

have you ever wanted to text someone but you couldn’t because you talked yesterday and you have to wait for a week or so till you can text them and so you just re-read your texts wondering what happened to those days you talked all day,every day.

have you ever texted someone but deleted it before it went through because you just remembered that they aren’t going to reply, and you are not supposed to care and so you just stared at your phone screen, willing it to give you the patience to wait for the day that sickening urge to text them will be non-existent.

have you ever been in such a good mood because you are wearing your favourite socks until you stepped in a puddle and suddenly you are in the foulest of moods, and you are being so nasty and just snapping at everyone?

have you ever sat yourself down and contemplated why you let the smallest of things bother you so much and the more you thought about it, the more distraught you became and so you just ended up crying?

have you ever thought about something so much, your head hurt and you just got so depressed, and so you went through the day thinking about every bad thing that has happened to you in your life?

have you ever felt so sad and down, and you don’t even know why?

have you ever gone into your room, turned up the radio so loud so that no one will hear you screaming, then gotten out and smiled at everyone so widely, it began to feel idiotic.

do you have that one friend that you love so much and you keep embarrassing yourself in front of them, and you keep lashing out at them because of your emotional insanity and you are beginning to wonder if they are getting tired of your drama?

2 thoughts on “Have you ever…

  1. Clarie Clarie Clarie!! You really are funny you know..and this…i can relate almost everything..you are good at what you do..keep at it.

    Like

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