Letting go

to choose too look away
turn your back and never around
to lose the door and throw the keys
locking yourself in your pains
choosing to stumble in darkness
to hope to find your own light
to accept that a little pain is healthy
and a little distance is eye-opening.

to choose to put yourself first
to say no and pretend not to feel guilty about it
to hold back a helping hand
just once in a while, demand for something in return
a little respect, appreciation maybe
to look him in the eye and mean it when you say you don’t care.

to terminate all memories
trick your brain into believing you’ve forgotten
to wipe your tears and lie that’s its the last time you cry over bastards
deleting dutifully mastered contacts
to collect your wandering thoughts
redirecting them anywhere but to him
hysterically laugh yourself to sleep and yourself yourself that you’ll be stronger tomorrow.

to pick yourself and
to get things done and move forward
to force a smile and say, ” i am happy for you.”
waiting for time to validate that lie into the truth
to focus,or at least fixate on literally anything else
to tell yourself it hurts less even when it kills you
hoping against hope that someday it will be a distant memory.

to grow up a little
and love yourself more than him
to set that bar high
and settle for nothing else
to look before you fall
then fall with a little grace
and learn to take the joys and pains with a lot more maturity
for this too shall also pass.


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